An Unexpected Transformation by D.C., Denver, CO
Oct. 14, 2011
About a month ago at work I suddenly realized that I no longer saw myself as an employee of a law firm with a number of high-powered lawyers who were the bosses. I saw myself as an equal to everyone here. I had not even noticed this change happening. I think it's the first time in my life I have not felt subservient at a job. I just steadily use the I Ching and really try not to watch my progress. And then these lovely things happen.
I'm equally surprised and delighted by some of the other subtle changes that I see happening to me. I am more flexible in how I think and what I do, more self- confident, more outgoing, think less, much less of all of the ego emotions, very little bothers me anymore, I never rush, no background anxiety like I always used to have (probably because the "pleasing the authority figure" complex was always so predominant in my life). Maybe the most striking thing is how my level of feeling has gotten so much more sensitive — as I've begun to trust it more, it's flourished. Such a more accurate indicator of what's going on then to be operating out of the intellect all of the time. I often can feel the intentions of people in other cars, for example, if they're going to turn or if they're aware of what's around them. Little things, but then not really little after all. I always used to think the ultimate awareness was to have infinite awareness. After having had that experience many, many times, I do not think it compares to be fully aware and feeling the life around me, moment by moment.
I really like the innocent approach to life. It's boring to have everything figured out, so nice to watch life unfold.
The deprogramming is very meditative, and sometimes I'll just sit quietly in the evening feeling what's going on with me and throwing the rctm about things of concern. Once in a while I'll have a striking dream that I write down and look at later. I think the Sage understands where I'm at and just works with me, since I consult the oracle so often.