The Impact Of Asking For Help For Another Person by Fred from Fresno, California
Mar. 28, 2005
Have you ever asked the Sage and Helpers in the presence of another to help them with a situation that seemed hopelessly on verge of disaster? I have done this on numerous occasions, thinking that my asking for help would at least ameliorate the situation for them, but never believing there could be actual "transformation" from that asking. The Sage has given me the most enlightening lesson on this topic. I now have a profound appreciation for just how much Help can be generated by asking for the help that is in the presence of another person and I want to share it with others. It is such good news.
7 weeks ago, I learned that my ex-wife (age 49) was in near-death psychological shape. Her family of origin was preparing for her likely suicide from depression. During our marriage, years ago, I had witnessed her suffer from severe chronic depression that eventually developed into a clear "dead-person-walking" situation. From what I heard just 7 weeks ago, she was worse than ever. I did some of my own inner work, but also asked the Sage that is in the presence of my ex-wife to activate all the Help needed to help her with this situation. I put it all out of my mind at that time, sadly thinking that at least if she were to die it might be an easier death than couldÕve happened.
So, last weekend I learned, through talking with a mutual friend, that my ex-wifeÕs situation had made an unexplainable shift in a positive direction. Though she had been unemployed for several years (continually getting very close to employment and then losing out in the last interviews), she suddenly has an interesting job. She was able to sell her home for a substantial sum of money which is allowing her a sense of empowerment and possibility. She is optimistic about beginning a new chapter in her life, open to learning from her mistakes and examining them in psychotherapy.
I found myself feeling very happy for her and relieved for everyone. Then I thought back to when she had been so near to disaster and I looked at my calendar to see if it actually had been as recently as it felt. Indeed I found out that it had been barely 7 weeks since the situation had been dangerously hopeless. As I thought about this timeline, I realized that it was utterly impossible for that "transformation" to have occurred in that amount of time without hoards of Help from the Cosmos. So I asked the Sage if my asking for help 7 weeks ago had helped initiate this transformation. I got (+++). Of course, I was watching out for ego intrusion and was careful not to think I was the one who helped, but I did know that I was the one who had asked for help for her. So I asked next if ego was intruding into my questioning right now and got (---).
I began thinking about why the Sage would want me to know so absolutely clearly that the Help I had asked for had been so instrumental in this "transformation." So, I asked if the reason the Sage wanted me to have this knowledge was so that I would realize the significant impact that could be made from asking for help for another person and got (++). At this point I figured that the Sage mainly wanted me to be very convinced of how much Help could be generated by merely asking for it, so that I would continue to do so for other people.
The next day my phone rang unexpectedly and it was my ex-wife. We had not spoken for years. She had called to apologize to me for betraying me and for denying that betrayal. She spoke of all she was learning about herself and realizations of all the mistakes she had made in her life. She spoke of wanting to do things differently now and feeling open to doing so. I felt appreciative of this apology and acknowledgment of what had happened between us. I also felt pressure from her to return to our relationship to repair it all. I internally asked the Sage and Helpers in my own presence for Help and found myself saying what I needed to say. I told her that although I appreciated deeply what she was saying, I had healed from the hurts and that healing included a boundary that required separate space and distance from her. I told her that I wished her well and that I had even "prayed" for her when I heard how she was suffering 7 weeks ago. As we ended the meeting, we both felt a peaceful resolution, although she told me to phone her if ever I changed my mind.
Later that evening I found myself thinking about how the Sage had wanted me to know so clearly that it was my asking for Help for my ex-wife that had brought such a sudden change of events in her life. Then I thought about the pressure IÕd felt from her to reconcile. Then I realized, and got confirmation through rtcm (Retrospective-Three-Coin Method), that the Sage had, in part, wanted me to have the knowledge that I had been able to facilitate Help for my ex-wife in order for me to better "defend" myself against any guilt pressure I might feel for saying No to her. I found myself thinking, "No. IÕve done enough for her. The Help she has just received from the Cosmos probably saved her life and she has another chance to move toward her True Self. If I feel the need to help her, I can help her more by asking for Help for her than anything I could ever do in a reconciliation.